Hi, I’m Diva.

I’m a hopeless romantic. I care way too much about what people think. I push everyone I’ve ever gotten close to, away. I lie about how I really feel because I’m completely terrified it’s the wrong thing. I don’t speak my mind. I’m a mean person and I treat the people I care about like shit. I run away from my problems. I have nothing going for me except for the fact that I work for $7.47 a hour part-time for Victoria’s Secret. I make less that $600 a month. I am flat broke. My bank acct. consists of $23. I am overweight. I struggle everyday with my insecurities. I have never thought I was more that cute. I try to please everyone before even considering myself. I am completely alone. Being in a relationship scares the shit out of me. I hate commitment. I’m old-fashioned. I believe in fairy tales. I’ve lost anyone who I have ever considered a friend to me. I am beginning to hate myself. My dad said I was a mistake and I believe him. I won’t amount to much of anything. I hurt people when I’m hurt. I pretend like I know everything. I act tough so I won’t get hurt. I cut myself almost daily now to escape all of my problems. I’ve become a pothead just to escape my own mind. I cry myself to sleep every single night. I’m completely and utterly useless. Whenever I look in the mirror, I think of a million reasons why I shouldn’t be alive. I’m easily hurt. I hate planning anything out because I’m so scared of being rejected. I try so hard to smile. I can’t remember the last time I was genuinely happy for more that a hour. I’m for the most part, materialistic. I’m a coward. I’m scared of my own emotions. I don’t know much of any emotion besides sadness. I wish I could just disappear sometimes. I have no idea why I’m around anymore. Even my own boyfriend was fed up and annoyed with me. I try so hard to fit in. I hate being alone… My heart hasn’t fully healed from a guy I dated almost 2 years ago. Nothing in my life is constant. I have no confidence in myself. I feel like a chameleon sometimes, just blending in with the background.

I just want to be wanted and needed just like I want and need you. I’m sorry…